Commanding Reasons
by Alpha Flyer
Summary: Because. A companion piece to Runawaymetaphor's "Admirable Habits." Chapter 3 is rated "M" for some saucy references - nothing graphic.
1. Of Bugs and Basements

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Because Runawaymetaphor posted "Admirable Habits", and as a former (if sadly retired) fencer I recognize a gauntlet when it is flung at me, even from far away and across an international border.

Because my sister-in-law, the first person to read the very first thing I ever wrote - the ur-version of "Choices" - told me, in no uncertain terms, that The Epistolary Novel Is Dead and I should rewrite the thing before even thinking about posting it. (I did - thanks, Ruth.)

Because … reasons.

I own nothing, and borrowed the image for the story from RDM's website - with his consent, I'm happy to say. Honest. :-)

* * *

**Commanding Reasons**

**By Alpha Flyer**

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager/DF2

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 65953.6

**Subject: **Top Five Reasons Why Captain Chakotay Should Not Be Asked To Head Diplomatic Missions

5. _His idea of hors d'oeuvres_: I mean, I get that the man is a vegetarian and won't eat anything that may once have swum, walked, grunted, or quacked. But does he have to inflict his tofu-and-seaweed diet on EVERYONE? Especially on an arachnid species that evolved sucking out the entrails of its enemies, lives entirely off other insects, and even now considers the consumption of hot blood as (a) an aphrodisiac and (b) a necessary ingredient of first contact? Next time we meet the Bagh'RAA, I'll delegate the menu selection to B'Elanna.

4. _His wife_: Seven. Should. Never. Be. Permitted. Near. A. Diplomatic. Reception. Ever. Again.

3. _He hums even in the presence of senior officials sent by alien species. _Loudly.

2. _The need to play your cards close to your chest._ I mean, aren't diplomats supposed to consider it an honour and a privilege to lie and obfuscate for their country? Or their Federation? Or even their own personal safety, and that of their ship and crew? So what's that bit about "we're not prepared for war, and we're out here, far away from home, all alone and without back-up?" Oh wait. Sorry. Forget I mentioned it.

1_. Because _

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 65953.95

**Subject: **Re: Top Five Reasons Why Captain Chakotay Should Not Be Asked To Head Diplomatic Missions

#2: Ha. Ha. Ha. So not funny, _Commander. _Remember that not too long ago you were a mere Ensign? Would you like to become one again? I'm sure Lt Harry Kim would enjoy that.

#1: "Because" is not a reason, Thomas. Unless your transmission cut out? Having technical problems? Tell B'Elanna the third isolinear chip array that operates the deflector shield sometimes arcs and cuts across the comms matrix and causes disruption. Let me know if that helps.

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 65955.2

**Subject: **Re: Top Five Reasons Why Captain Chakotay Should Not Be Asked To Head Diplomatic Missions

Tom? You out there? You realize it is impolitic to ignore your former Captain, and a member of the admiralty?

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 65956.8

**Subject: **Re: Top Five Reasons Why Captain Chakotay Should Not Be Asked To Head Diplomatic Missions

Thomas Eugene Paris. Cut the bullshit and respond. You're beginning to worry me.

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 65958.4

**Subject: **Thanks

I knew you'd figure it out eventually. Sorry to be so obscure there, but I knew the Bagh'RAA were monitoring the subspace frequencies, so …

Thanks for asking Starfleet to send the Prometheus out; she really is fast, a real beaut and helpful in a fight. I couldn't have retaken Voyager with just the Delta Flyer, even once I managed to bring the Doc back online. Anyway, it was good to catch up with Harry, too.

Most of the crew have recovered from the takeover, except Culhane. Did you know he suffers from Arachnophobia? Also, B'Elanna looked seriously hot in that slave girl outfit, so I'm thinking of asking her to keep it.

PS: Do I get to stay a Commander?

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 65958.9

**Subject: **Re: Thanks

You're welcome, and yes.

Just out of curiosity – what was it Chakotay hummed at the Bagh'RAAn ambassador?

PS: On a different note, you know that I adore you, Tom, and I am VERY happy that you and B'Elanna enjoy a vigorous and uninhibited relationship. But there is such a thing as "too much information." _Capiche_?

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 65959.7

**Subject: **Re: Re: Thanks

Point taken re B'Elanna. She threw the thing into the recycler anyway, before I could mention it.

It wasn't _what_ Chakotay hummed so much, it was _that_ he hummed that caused the problem. Apparently in Bagh'RAA culture humming is roughly the equivalent to the ancient Earth custom of mooning. I think we should ask Starfleet to program some cultural reference inhibitors into the universal translator. Do you think that might be a good project for my Dad, now that he's retired?

I've got to go; Nacheyev told Chakotay just _how_ I managed to ask you for back-up, and now he is making me oversee the fumigation. (We found out why the Bagh'RAA cranked up environmental controls so much: they turned the whole ship into a giant bug incubator to ensure ongoing food supplies.)

Oh, and Miral is having an existential crisis; she claims her toys keep disappearing. B'Elanna is complaining about missing parts in Engineering, too. Klingon women can be a challenge sometimes. But don't get me wrong - I love them both to the end of the universe.

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 65964.2

**Subject: **Picard News

Just had to get this off before the next meeting starts. Did you know that Jean-Luc once had a girlfriend who was basically an art thief, and then ran off with Q because he offered her certain … opportunities? The poor man. No wonder he always looks so pinched, and stopped being interested in archaeology. I must have words with Q next time I see him, maybe he can give her back.

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 65965.1

**Subject: **Lower Decks

Did you EVER spend any time on Voyager's lower decks? I mean, apart from the one time when you dragged Mortimer Harren out of his lair and tried to get him to make himself useful?

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 65965.6

**Subject: **Re: Lower Decks

Do I have to answer that? Starfleet might take back my promotion if they find out that I'm not really a detail person. Why do you ask?

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 65966.86

**Subject: **Re: Lower Decks

Well, we flooded the whole ship with Dechyon rays for three hours, and still the bugs kept coming. So the Doc devised this chart based on their sexual and procreation habits and managed to trace the origin back to an enormous storage room on Deck 14. I didn't even know we had that; I might have used it to store some of my sports equipment.

So much for my holodeck time; now I have to go irradiate Deck 14. I'd send Chell and the maintenance gang but unlike certain former commanding officers, I'd like to get to know ALL the parts of my ship.

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 65967.7

**Subject: **Re: Lower Decks

Showoff.

Are we still on for that beer at McKinley? Headed there next week. Hear Voyager is, too.

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 65968.2

**Subject: **Surprise, surprise

So I went to visit Deck 14 and see what's there, make sure all the bugs were dead. At first I thought I'd found the place where Chakotay kept all those extra shuttles he managed to pull out of the hat whenever he crashed one, but ... NO.

Remember the Borg baby? Well, guess what. The little thing is now three and cute as a button (literally), but she was trying to build a new vincula down there. In that storage area we didn't know about. Explains Miral's missing toys and all those disappearing bits from Engineering.

So as for that beer? Make it Saurian brandy. You owe me a bottle anyway.


	2. Quiet Moments in Sickbay

AUTHOR'S NOTE

As Runawaymetaphor indicated in the latest installment of her conspicuously funny "Admirable Habits", yes indeed, I was an epeeist, back in the day. And yes, as she says, as fencing weapons go epee is "for real" - the original dueling weapon. But I can assure you, as an epeeist I would never hit below the belt. Uh-uh. Getting in that close wastes valuable fractions of seconds you need to get that first hit in. Delicate touches to the wrist, my dear - that's how you bring your sparring partners to their knees.

I had marked this story as complete. Okay, so I lied.

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 65998.3

**Subject: **Happy Birthday

I know it isn't yours, but it has to be somebody's today, right?

We picked up Admiral Hayes today to transport him to the Federation Accession Negotiations on Benaros IV. Anything I should know about the guy? He seems friendly enough.

I still think they should have sent you, though. Federation candidates or not, I don't think the Benarians should be allowed to restrict conference participation to men. You'd have showed them what for.

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 65999.1

**Subject: **Re: Happy Birthday

That's "shown", not "showed," Thomas.

Ah yes, Hayes. Nacheyev's pet poodle. Blustering, blathering buffoon, but generally harmless. Tends to speak in riddles, thinks it makes him sound more intelligent. Allergic to shellfish, you might wish to remind the folks from Protocol before you send him to a reception.

Thanks for your confidence in my abilities; I would have liked to have taken that assignment. Sometimes diplomacy requires a little sabre rattling, and women can be good at that. It would have been good to catch up with everyone; it's been too long.

PS: Thank you for the attachment to your last message. I was wondering about the subject line, and why the file took so long to download, then I noticed what you had embedded. He's perfect, although I _did_ reprogram him slightly; I do prefer my men with a full head of hair.

PPSS: Nothing personal.

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 66601.6

**Subject: **Re: Happy Birthday

So the peace conference was a riot and a half, but we got it back on track once B'Elanna and Seven knocked out the planetary power grid by attaching a temporal phase inverter to the isoprobic array, and I managed to infiltrate the insurgents' base of operations.

Can you believe it – their headquarters were located in the women's washroom in the basement of the palace! Turns out that's why the Ambassador, who was apparently their secret leader and chief ideologue, insisted on male delegates only. It wasn't a question of cultural misogyny at all, just forward planning.

Also, did you know that T'karian peeyrobs are actually a form of shellfish? Well, neither did Protocol, or Admiral Hayes. We got the transporters back on line just _after _he finished throwing up in the Vulcan ambassador's lap, but Chakotay managed to pull the accession treaty out of the line of fire just in time and it all got signed.

PS: I'm going to ignore the comment about the full head of hair.

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 66602.1

**Subject: **Congratulations

Heard you got another citation, for salvaging the conference this time. If you're not careful, you'll fulfill your father's ambitions and make Admiral before you turn 40! No seriously, Tom, I'm proud of you.

I also heard about what happened when Hayes woke up from his coma, while you were helping out in Sickbay. I didn't know you were still doing that? I guess I *forgot* to mention that Hayes has a thing for commanders' pips ...? Deanna Troi found out he was putting the make on Will Riker, one time Hayes was guest of honour at a reception on the Enterprise. Somehow they both tripped and fell into the chocolate fountain (rumour has it Will didn't protest hard enough.)

Honestly, the people they promote to the admiralty – sometimes it makes you wonder.

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 666003.6

**Subject: **Re: Congratulations

Who told you about me and Hayes? I mean, about Hayes? There _is_ no me and Hayes. Despite what he said over the ship's comm system before the inoprovaline wore off.

No seriously, I want to know who ratted on me. I am going to throttle them. Have you noticed the star date? That's all I have to say.

But yes, me helping out in Sickbay again was Chakotay's idea. Says it will "keep me humble" what with all the commendations and stuff. I reminded him of my numerous jail sentences, but he seems to think that's all so far in the past that they've lost their salutary effect.

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 66604.1

**Subject: **Re: Congratulations

My lips are sealed – you know I'm not a snitch. But I _will_ say that B'Elanna thinks you're "cute" when flustered. Maybe I should tell her about that time on Ahani Prime ...?

On another note, Jean-Luc made a deal with Q. The continuum is keeping Vash, but Jean-Luc now has hair again. He's quite an attractive man, now that the glare is gone.

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 666006.66

**Subject: **Doctor-Patient Confidentiality

Fine, I won't throttle B'Elanna. Nice to know you haven't lost your touch, Admiral.

I'm acting Captain again. The Doc had to put Chakotay in stasis until he can figure out how to fix this latest … problem without causing further damage. Plus, it takes at least three days to find and erase the specific memory associated with it, which Doc has promised Seven he'd try to do. (She asked him as a favour; they're still friends, even though he's never quite gotten over her preferring Chakotay to him, even as a hologram.)

Officially, there will be no record of the specific malfunction entered into the medical logs of either Chakotay or Seven, and the only reason I know is because I was on Sickbay duty. I'm almost grateful now …

So anyway. You will remember, of course, that Seven still has those Borg implants in her. You know, the ones that pop up at the most inconvenient times and do things like render her temporarily catatonic, or make her call for back-up from the hive? This one was a bit more mechanical in nature, and involved a certain part of her ... err… anatomy that our Captain visits regularly, in the context of their newly wedded bliss and all that. According to Seven, he does so with enthusiasm and usually to their great reciprocal enjoyment and satisfaction.

Except this time, when Seven responded, it turned out the … relevant contractions were accentuated by an ill-placed band of duranium, with predictable, immediate (and hopefully not permanent) results.

Was it wrong of me to tell B'Elanna? And Harry? And you? (g)

* * *

**From: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 66607.5

**Subject: **Re: Doctor-Patient Confidentiality

I sent Chakotay a note, wishing him a speedy recovery. I didn't give any indication that I knew what he was suffering from, honest!

I may, however, have mentioned it to a couple of people, in the strictest confidentiality of course.

BTW did you know that Commander Data is a serious gossip?

* * *

**From: **Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: **Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 666008.0

**Subject: **Relief!

Chakotay says I don't have to do Sickbay duty anymore.

Thanks?


	3. Of Inconvenient Implants

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

For my dearest Runawaymetaphor - in sickness and in health. Get well soon, babe, and I will try to do the same.

This chapter is rated M for mention of certain …. activities (nothing graphic); apologies to followers who are restricted to T. Additional apologies to C/7 fans around the planet – I'm afraid that is one "pairing" I will never get. If you do, read no further. ;-)

* * *

**Of Inconvenient Implants**

* * *

**From: ** Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: ** Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 666012.3

**Subject: **URGENT – HELP!

I'm in Sickbay again. Can you believe it? And it's _not_ as a medic. I'm a fucking patient. Although the Doc keeps informing me that "_the word patient is highly inappropriate in your case, Mr. Paris_". No idea what he's on about there. None.

Anyway, so I'm stuck here on my back on a biobed, waiting for the Doc to take out that shiny extra uterus the mild-mannered and obviously very devout Xlovt bestowed on me in the name of "The Great Equalization." God, I hate diplomacy. Timing is critical – I can't afford for B'Elanna to find out and get ideas.

Frankly, I think the Doc _enjoys_ this a little too much. Any suggestions how I can get him to put a move on, and his mouth shut? I tried telling him what a fantastic challenge to his epic medical abilities this whole thing was, but he isn't biting. You dealt with him in the role of Commanding Officer before, right? Why doesn't he obey a direct order? Isn't that subordination? I got thrown in the brig for that, as I recall.

Please? Help? I promise to buy the first round when we next get to McKinley, and tell you the latest gossip on Seven and Chakotay. If you want, that is.

* * *

**From: ** Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: ** Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 666012.4

**Subject: ** Re: URGENT – HELP!

Xcvsbshgdiuwe!

Sorry. Had a little giggle fit there just as I put my hands on the keyboard. Must remember to tell Nacheyev about your little adventure – that Great Equalization is one way to get the estrogen level in command ranks up a notch, huh?

Okay. I'm serious now. But first - stop whining, Tom, it doesn't become you. And stop harping on your brig time. We went over that several times – just find a way of acknowledging that you were wrong and I was right, and move on.

As for the Doc, I always found that blackmail worked well, as did extortion. Guilt trips are good in a pinch - but do you have the goods for that? You were almost as much a pain in the ass as he was.

Ah, the joys of Sickbay. Did I ever tell you about the time I spent in recovery, after that little Unimatrix Zero adventure? Probably not, because you would have used it to win some kind of bet. I remember there were a lot of pools relating to my relationship to Seven in those days, for some obscure reason, and she kept popping in and out, regaling me with her observations when all I wanted to do was puke out Borg implants. I'm sure that whole perfect storm of issues impeded my recovery by at least twelve hours and I didn't speak to Seven for days.

PS: One of these days I WILL find out who ran the Voyager betting pool after you dropped it, you know. I always suspected Harry. Any hints?

PPSS: Count your lucky star(s) that the Great Equalization did not result in removal of any valuables. I hear they're a bitch to restore.

* * *

**From: ** Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: ** Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 666012.5

**Subject: **Re: Re:URGENT – HELP!

Thanks! And – nice try on that blackmail thing. Or is it extortion when a superior officer tries to get me to rat on my friends, and help you conduct an _ex post facto _witch hunt in exchange for my silence? Ha. (Nicely done, by the way. Subtle. Very subtle. I put a copy of this exchange on an isolinear chip for posterity, though, just in case. After all, I've learned from the best!)

I tried the direct approach with the Doc – "do the procedure now or I'll decompile your matrix and send the codes into the bowels of a Neutron Star" – but all I got was a huffy, "And who will look after Miral when she gets sick? _You?_" Bastard.

Guilt ended up being a much more promising approach, as it turned out. I started with Lieutenant Marseilles, and when he didn't twitch I raised him the month I ran this fucking place so he could go play saviour to Dr. Zimmermann. But he didn't actually pick up the detronal scanner until I called him on the Kidnapping Of My Pregnant Wife (okay, we didn't know it then yet, but she _was._)

So I got rid of the extra bits just in time, too, because Chell came in with a GI thing this morning. Have you ever been forced to breathe in a Bolian fart? Over and over again? I'd ask B'Elanna to up the environmental controls, but then I'd have to explain to her why I was in Sickbay to begin with.

As for the pool, you may actually not want to shoot it down; it's still live. The clock on Chakotay and Seven hasn't run out, and betting is getting pretty heavy. I'd be happy to put in a sliver of latinum on your behalf. (My gut tells me they won't make it past this mission. You see, I know for a fact that the Doc couldn't take out that particular implant without causing irreparable harm to Seven's cortical nodes – don't ask how those things are linked, but apparently they are.)

* * *

**From: ** Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: ** Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 666015.7

**Subject: ** Business ventures

Glad you got your estrogen levels sorted. And yes, put in a quarter of a bar for me – max 6 weeks. If there's a range, make it 4-6.

PS: Any special medic's tricks for projectile vomiting and a dorsal rash that don't involve an actual trip to Sickbay? Speaking hypothetically, of course.

* * *

**From: ** Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: ** Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 666016.4

**Subject: **URGENT Re: Business ventures

I can't make a diagnosis without seeing you in person, but the symptoms sound like the Imolean flu. If that's what it is, a brief immersion in a thalaron particle shower should do the trick; the virus is very susceptible to the radiation. But you should really have yourself diagnosed by a competent physician. The cure isn't foolproof either.

GO TO SICKBAY. This bug can turn nasty inside twenty-four hours. And for the record, I am only telling you this stuff because my Hippocratic Oath requires me to help, and I just know you won't go see a real doctor.

PS: Do you have any inside information to share re C/7? The pot is at 10 bars. Five apiece wouldn't be bad. Since I assume you're expecting me to front you the entry fee?

* * *

**From: ** Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: ** Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 666017.1

**Subject: ** Re: URGENT Re: Business ventures

What makes you think this whole Imolean flu thing is about me? I was speaking purely _hypothetically_. As I _told_ you, Commander. Have some faith.

In a _completely_ unrelated event, my shuttle ran into a recently exploded supernova that was emitting a considerable amount of thalaron particles. Did you know that one of the side effects of thalaron irradiation is immediate hair loss? You might have mentioned it. Luckily, unlike Picard, I have follicles to stimulate and managed to convince the Ardovian Ambassador that I got a drastic haircut in the name of protocol. (Oh, by the way, apparently the warranty on Vash was still good. Q returned her and recouped Jean-Luc's hair. That poor man. Now he's bald AND has to hide from his ex-girlfriend.)

So anyway, fine. You win. _This time._ Fund my way into this pool and we'll split the proceeds. Here's the deal: C sent me a long-winded comm the other day, which mentioned that the unremovable Problematic Implant has had a serious … _chilling_ effect on their relationship. He also noted, in passing, the danger inherent in giving blowjobs to a woman who can snap your neck and crush your skull with her thighs when she spasms.

I think there are trust issues in that relationship. And surely they must be running out of things to talk to each other about by now. Lord knows I did.

* * *

**From: ** Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**To: ** Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**Stardate:** 666026.0

**Subject: **URGENT Re: Business ventures

Bingo!

You and I are on for some serious partying at McKinley next week – woohoo! Five and a half bars of latinum each! I'm contemplating buying a new shuttle.

Too bad B'Elanna can't join us in the drinking – we're having another baby! She's about three months gone, and getting cranky.

Chakotay and Seven have assured everybody that they'll stay friends, and that none of this will affect their ability to work together. To tell you the truth, they both seem kind of relieved, in an odd way. Like a spell was lifted, or something. I ran into Seven in Sandrine's last night, and she told me she had no idea _what_ came over her in those last couple of weeks in the DQ. She suspects the Borg Queen, or other Unseen Powers. But that's just nonsense, right? As if someone was pulling our strings out there.

* * *

**From: ** Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ

**To: ** Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager

**Stardate:** 666027.8

**Subject: **The Great Equalization

Congratulations, on all fronts! Delightful news. De-lightful.

BUT. My dear Thomas Eugene.

I am SO telling B'Elanna about your recent adventures in Sickbay. (And here I thought male chauvinism had died out with Jim Kirk. Hmpf.)

Who did you say ran the betting pool again?


End file.
